I bet he comes in French.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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