tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
