the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
