Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
