She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
