no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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