Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
