Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
