This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
