Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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