I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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