so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize