He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
