a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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