His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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