Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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