just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
