my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize