i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
