She's JV to your varsity
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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