Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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