M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
