I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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