I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize