"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
