so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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