worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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