how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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