I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
