did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
