No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
