Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
