I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
