i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
