looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
