you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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