when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
