I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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