Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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