i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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