i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm too high and old for this...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
