You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
