and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
