I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
