i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
