yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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