I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
