If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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