Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
