you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
