One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
