do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
