don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
