omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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