Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
