no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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