Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
