How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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