Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
