We won't sleep together?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and she was petting her beer can
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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