shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
