The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
