I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
