I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
