I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
