he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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