i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
