He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
