Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
