i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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