I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
